really? no seriously really? I suppose it’s been a while so here have stuff…

so I got back from an amazing weekend of eating pho for the first time (amazing!), chilling with some super cool people, nearly loosing a friend who borrowed my sisters car cause his phone died, and just all around awesomeness. upon returning home from this weekend I wander in to learn my roommate has her husband over I suppose it’ll be her ex husband before long.  afterall her wedding ring is somewhere around Mt Rushmore, and this is the same guy who about two or three weeks ago drove his girlfriend over to fight (yes they actually drove over to someones house to fight them, but it gets better then they called the cops on themselves… go figure) well it’s been about three days now and I think he’s spent more time at my house than me. 

seige and I made a rule for heather she can’t come chill at our house unless she comes by herself or brings a larger number of girls than guys when she comes over. 

due to the wannyness of Death (aka my friend) I am now working out back in a gym this has it’s ups and downs. first off I am lifting again and it feels amazing second death’s wife has started coming with so the amount of good conversation has changed the conversation has changed it’s just not the same philosophical banter while we run.  and lastly it adds another monthly fee to my budget *ptew*

I think a membership to the climbing gym is out I have opted for a aerobic dance class instead (though inspite of the changing weather I have made it up the canyon twice last week) the instructor is super cool and fun, surprisingly being in a class with a bunch of pretty girls isnt really distracting… I kind of figured it would be.

I have a job it’s pretty cool to be working again.  it’s even better that I like my job and most amazing of all is I randomly live a 2 min walk at a lazy pace to get to work.

I just finnished the Harry Potter books again, and am a bit behind on my reading due to me maintaning an excessivly complex and busy schedule.

Life hasnt taken me were I wanted it to, I must say it rarely does… but I do love the experience I have had and will continue to have

my diet will make me skinny

ok so i think I may come off a bit strong when I talk about things like exercise and eating properly, to the point where I quite possibly sound like an outright ass. 

I am reminded of something my friend Austin ranted about once “what the point of goign out to a fast food place getting a 600-800 calorie burger, a large fry and then a diet coke? by that point the excess calories really arent hurting much and youre either a fat ass or you have a high motobolism” much the same I dont see the point of dieting or a diet exercise regime, whats the point when your just gonna go back to doign the same crap to your body when you end.  you really want a change make a lifestyle change and jump inot the poll dont just dangel your feet so your toes get wet.

oh the fun

one of my good LDS friends often says to me “oh the fun we’d have if I werent LDS” my reply to him is always the same. “we do have fun” and most of the time that is the extent of the conversation I do sometimes wonder if he goes through his own internal struggle with what things there are in the world to experience… the other night was one of the nights in which the conversation went on longer and we talked about drugs and drinking.  it is still my belief that they dont need to be experienced to have fun, but then again I am strange and dont think there is anything wrong with occasional use of intoxicating ones body.  so I guess in a way I am a Hippocrate in my own ideas.  I suppose I just place a lot of value in someone choosing a lifestyle and following it with conviction.  someone who follows a faith but whom doesnt blindly follow is a highly admirable person to me for they posses something that I dont.  much in the way my friend will never drink I will never hold the faith in a greater power to take care of me… that burden is mine and at times it’s a lot to bear.

I know i’ll drink diet that’ll make me healthy… right??

I know awareness doesnt really change anything but if one is to consume crap they should at least try to do so in moderation

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/drmao/20270/what-soft-drinks-are-doing-to-your-body/

If I were a hermaphrodite

I would try to impregnate myself.  This is of course if I were one of the rare few of the ones that had two full sets of sex organs… this is what me and my roommates talk about myself

sanity is overated

insanity is underrated.

its much easier to overacheive low expectations than it is to fail to acheive high standards

little red, and the thoughts it brings

A thought begins of a night spent in laughter games that ended with great effort and a slow caress of blond hair, but the story doesnt start with the thought

a story begins on a late winters night as a couple watches a movie, they no longer sit next to one and other for time spent apart has grown a wedge and what is left is nothing more than an old habit that has refused to sever.  I sat on the couch not really paying attention to the movie but talking to another online instead.  the movie ended and the girl i was watching it with said you should fuck her you know (this was said in earnest and openly, not with bitterness or recourse.  it was that kind of relationship that we we had) I simply said it wouldnt end that way… that that path would end up where she didnt want.  she didnt understand and just said again “I’d fuck her but you said she’s not into girls so I’m out but that doesnt mean you cant have fun”

we are not all gifted enough to wake up next to someone for over a year with the feeling of this is a woman with whom I could gladly spend a life.  sadly there was a problem, we all have a history and come with strange baggage.  it was one morning after a night filled with long conversation about the pain and misunderstanding that I woke up and smiled at what I had once again.  I walked home and made a phone call, it went much the same as the rest. I didnt end up home till about 5 hours later when my phone’s battery was nearly dead.  I had exhausted my mental resolve once again and fell deeper into what was becoming a harder situation for me, I had tried for a long time to move on but the guilt of what was attempted every time weighed heavy on me.  it’s hard to say we had a nice five years thanks and to have a phone call from a hospital the next morning as someone failed to cope… the weakness I feel was my own for I couldnt turn a blind eye to someone I had cared for so long and given so much to… A month ago and it finally worked she had moved on and it was over, a week of a strange attitude with my new devotion, a day and it was all over.  the ultimate fallacy I feel was my inability to open up and communicate what I was trying to do as it was painful for me and I dont express emotions well.

it was a two moth fling she exemplified all the things that a red head should be the firey passion and the manners to match.  she walked into my life and a quick bond was formed.  I ignored all the signs of things being wrong to protect my already fragile mental state.  two months later she had disappeared all together, a month after that she reappeared saying she was now engaged to the boy she had ben with the whole time.  I wasnt surprised by then to learn I was just the distraction from her own problems.

It was around this same time that I met a beautiful blond girl, all we ever did was laugh.  she was smart in her own way that made one question if she was a stereotypical blond.  after several months we grew closer together and I resisted though we spoke openly about an astranged affection. she had a god and I had my own ideas. (enter a random fling with a belly dance instructor in which jealousy rises on an outside part, and the fling ended as flings do) we took a trip and spent the week cuddling, our time was growing towards an end and still we had nothing aside from from soft touch and time spent in laughter and philosophical conversation.  it was the last night I saw her as we had grown accustom to we were up till 3 in morning in just a few days I was to leave the country to chase a dream I had a long long time ago… we stood in what would have been a movie esk kind of a scene where I held her for a long time we pulled back from each other, I brushed her golden white hair aside and her eyes slid closed… I couldnt help myself it was the hardest thing I have ever resisted I simply hugged her one last time and said I’ll miss you babe.

this is where my thought began.  I went on and I chased my dream I found a lot of things in life I had been missing out on and discovered why a part of my heart belongs in Ireland.  I traveled more of the world yet again in less than a year than most will do in there life.  I can say that I sill regret nothing for if everything had not gone the way it had I would not be where I am today I would not have played in the places I have played I would not have met the people I have met and I would still likely be as inept at communication as I once was.  I would have still placed the same importance as I once had. I wouldnt have learned the value of being alone, or the value of having someone.  I can live with either and can only hope that if I end up with someone that they are as worthwhile for having as I am. cause I’m quite the catch.

this song has been stuck in my head probably a bit inspirational as I was listening to it while I wrote this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_a5xON9hO64&feature=related

unexpected.

it’s surprising how quickly a cute girl loses all attractiveness when sh starts telling you about how she wants to get brest implants, though not unexpected.

what is more unexpected is finding a random photo of yourself on the internet. oh well at least its a decent photo.

 

in more recent news I am sad that it took me so long to decide to look up how much a flight to New Orleans would be for teh Halloween weekend though I suppose I can always take a long road trip on my motorcycle. oh well another year

tarot cards, coffee, conversation, and energy

do do do and away we go…

If you know me you know but a part of me if you know me well you still know a part of me, I do not always do it but I have a very internalized air about me. This is most prevalent in how I choose to or rather how I come up short in sharing personal information with people I know.  For what ever the reason I am highly protective of myself and have let very few people truly get close to me.  I am even more protective and selective of things that involve an outward energy exchange such as reiki, sexual encounters, massage therapy, tarot etc.

having said all of that I was meeting a good new friend Yeshi at the coffee shop for some tea and conversation ( he is always good for enlightening conversation) I got a call on the way and arranged to meet Christel there as well to give her her wallet back as my car had eaten it.  she sat and chilled with Yeshi and I others came and went. during the corse of all out conversing about things such as life being representable by a sign wave or variants there of, movies, cynicism, and all the other good things in life to discuss.  Just before we all got up to leave she asked if I would give her a reading with Yeshi’s new deck (during the course of our time he had shown me his gift from an ary relationship and stated that it was one good thing he had gotten out of it, also it was a nontraditional deck. it was a more neutral one than the traditional deck and the suits were Fire, Cloud, Rainbow, and I forget the last off the top of my head right now) I was very tempted to say no to Christel, and upon alluding to this and suggesting Yeshi to do the reading she requested again with me specifically to do it.  however tempted to decline I didnt as she is by far one of the most intriguing girls I have ever met. ( I told her this as I am in the habit of doing to people when I find them to be highly intriguing. her response was simple, un matched and one word “why” it is the only time I ever got that response) the cards that came up in order were change, innocence, guilt, flowering, and success… I dont know what her question was of if this gave any illumination to her but we did discuss the strangeness of the cards seeming to form a normal cyclical pattern that occurs as life goes on.

All in all a fabulous day

the brain is faster than the tact…

“expunging the half baby of the month” is what I said, in retrospect it is probably a rather uncouth thign to say when a womoan is refrencing peirod problems but this was only after she said that I was wrong about her girl pains meanign she was pregnant and tellign me it was the opposite